DISCLAIMER: I came across this on the net years ago and for the life of me can’t find the original post. If you are familiar with this and know who wrote it please comment or message me so I can give the writer credit or remove it if they so wish
This touches on things that all who have lived with an ED go through at one point. Sharing in the hopes that it reaches someone and helps them.
________My friend Mia. ________
Mia was my one true friend, Letting her go was hard.
She will never be gone… Not in my mind anyway…
For 6 whole years mia stuck by me, through thick and thin.
I recall my first time meeting Mia
I was an aspiring Gymnast
I was scared, Mia visited before each competition.
At 10 years old, I relied on Mia.
She helped me through my competitions.
The coach would say “your weights too high”
How grateful I was that I met mia.
Mia helped me every time.
She helped me win the competitions.
She helped me beat them all.
I soon became attached to Mia, Mia became my rock
Mia became my life She really was my one true friend
Mia told me true and fair, what I really was.
She gave me what I deserved.
She was the only honest one.
She’d ruled my life; she owned my soul, and took my spirit from me.
She turned me against my friends; she stole my lively spirit.
I miss her. I hate her. I deserve what I got.
I think of what I may have resorted to without her How grateful I am.
Then Anger swells inside me, I think of the life she stole from me.
So many meet her, so many hear of her.
For some Mia just introduces herself once in some ones life,
and is never to return, for others she shall return again and again,
attaching herself to someone she “loves”
sometimes she will leave a meaningful imprint on a life,
or perhaps just be left as a fading, distant memory.
Only very few are so lucky to know Mia as well and close as for so long as I did.
Really I do miss her, I do still come across her.
And though I knew her well, And she still does visit me,
I wish I still had Mia, to help me through the day.
I shall never know mia so well though, as I did for those 6 years,
but I will never forget Mia, she will always be with me.
Her name, Mia, is short for Bulimia. Bulimia Nervosa.
My brittle bones, my transparent teeth, she stole away so much of my youth.
My gymnastics competitions a fading memory, I soon became too weak.
my obsessive compulsions taking over.
While others pondered, people wondered, they always felt the need to lie.
They lied through their teeth as they told me “you’re so tiny, you’re so small”.
Why they lied I do not understand, they always did, and so many still do,
they probably always will. Why the lies? I knew the truth once I met mia
Because the truth is what Mia told me, it always was. And always will be.
Mias life started with one small concept; one of which I swore by.
That to eat is to fail. If to eat is to fail, oh what a failure I was.
“If I eat anything, I’ll end up eating everything, so I just stick to eating nothing”
Well that didn’t last for long. I’d soon give in…
A binge and purge they call it. Binge and purge.
Expletives in my mind, those words, they make me shudder.
They always did and always will.
Having to rid myself of the thousands of frightening calories that i so unwillingly consumed,
a daily ritual this soon became.
It was a trap into which I fell I simply could not stop.
I was a failure through and through.
The most hurtful of memories, the darkest of secrets.
It’s harmless to begin with. Girls ask me how I did it
They want to try it for themselves I tell them oh please don’t.
They convince themselves they want to. They feel it’s all that’s left to try
Their mothers want them thin Soon enough these girls meet Mia.
It’s a trap as clear as crystal One of which I fell for A trap that seems so clear,
Seems easy to get out off. A text book pattern trap No hidden tricks, no ploys.
Just a trap you can’t get out of. They don’t believe me They insist that they’ll be fine
But Mia takes your life Mia steals your spirit She steals away your youth
And she robs you of your body My greatest strength or my deepest weakness
I do not know what mia was, I never will, When I met her I woke up to myself.