Thanksgiving is in a couple days and this year I am looking forward to it. Past years I could have taken it or left it. I generally get a little down and severely miss my grandparents this time of year, especially around Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I’ve had quite a bit on my mind lately in regards to my passion in life, my kids future’s, husband and his job, et cetera. I have a hard time doing things for myself if they are not traditional in what I “should” be doing as a wife and mother. I decide that needed to stop as of right now (well as of the beginning of November).
So what happened in November?
NaNoWriMo happened in November and while I was scared to death I decided to participate eventually. At first I decided to not do it as it would take away from what I needed to do around here to keep the house going. Then I had a dream. An amazing and reassuring dream in which my grandparents played a huge part.
Yes my grandparents. Those close to me know that they both passed quite a few years ago. I miss them terribly and talk to them all the time. They always knew when something was wrong and they always supported me in my decisions. They may not have liked some of the things I did but they were there no matter what.
I firmly believe that if you keep your heart and mind open that you can talk to the dead as their spirits still surround us and only their bodies have left this plane. I also know that my grandparents hang out in the house – my grandfather pops the downstairs bathroom door open and my grandmother lets me know she’s around with smell.
So down to the nitty gritty of the dream. Right before the end of October I just didn’t feel right. While I was happy, I wasn’t happy. Any parent out there has felt this way at one point. If you say you haven’t I officially call “bullshit” on you. You are happy to have your family and your kids but you aren’t happy that your passions may have fallen by the way side. I really wanted to do NaNoWriMo during the month of November but I just didn’t feel like it was important enough for me to put certain things on he back burner. I resigned to this face and went about my day.
I’m an insomniac, but the day that I decided writing for an entire month was not in the cards I slept like a baby. That should have been the end of it. It wasn’t. I don’t know how long I was asleep, but I suddenly found myself back in my grandparents kitchen, sitting at the table (grandma and I on one side) drinking coffee out of her small flowered cups with matching saucers and my papa sitting across from us looking out the window watching the birds on the bush in front of their house. It was peaceful and familiar.
The look I was getting from my grandmother was familiar as well. It was the you can do anything you want to and don’t you dare say you can’t look. I knew it well and oddly enough it always made me smile.
Nothing was said in the dream except for this…..
You are a good mother, a good wife and a good author. All of these things make you who you are. Do not stifle your dreams to accommodate others. You were put on this earth to do something great. You have done great thing and made sacrifices for other and now it’s time for you to follow your dreams.
I didn’t have time for a rebuttal. Just time for a quick smile from her and my papa and then I was sitting up in bed sobbing. A good sob though, one that I needed.
Did I Listen?
Of course I listened! You always listen to your grandma. (Just ask my mom, there were times where she and grandma could tell me the same thing and by God I wasn’t going to listen to my mom at the time but when grandma spoke well, you just freaking listened). That same day I logged in to the NaNoWriMo website and declared my novel.
The Point of this Post?
The point is that I’m thankful. I’m thankful for being able to still connect with those I love that have passed on. I’m thankful for being able to keep an open heart and mind in today’s climate. I’m thankful that I have amazing parents, kids, and an amazing husband that supported me in my eventual decision to write. I’m just thankful.
It’s my way of putting an anti-negativity vibe into the atmosphere. So when all is said and done, this post is just to remind myself and others to be THANKFUL.
P.S. NaNoWriMo has been a huge success. I still have to the end of the month to write but I have reached the 50,000 word goal and surpassed it. Excited to see what the final number is.