misophonia

Racing Mind and Elevated Heart Rate

If you are triggered by reading about events that have happened, please know that this might trigger your Misophonia and proceed with caution.

JULY 27, 2017

Sitting here thinking about the 27th of this month made me want to share what I experienced as someone who has Misophonia. That day was a good day and also a potential bad day. Not just the, “oh I’m having a crap day” but a “honey I need bail money” type bad day.

So what happened?

Let me preface this by saying at the current moment we are working with only one vehicle as my car has something wrong with the radiator and it won’t be fixed this the weekend or next week, so getting to simple appointments is frustrating enough without having the deal with the crap below.

Well, this morning my son had a doctors appointment to get his shoulder checked out finally at 10 a.m. In order to make that appointment I had to take my husband to work at 6 a.m. and then after everything was done for the day I had to pick him up at around 5 to 6 p.m. I don’t have a problem with doing that. We have to do what we have to do as parents right?

So here’s how the day went….

6:00 a.m. – Got up, showered and out the door to take hubs to work.

6:30 a.m. – Drop hubs off at work and start to head home.

7:00 a.m. – Get home and wake up the teenager for his appointment. (Worked on the computer till 8 o’clock so I could stay up and call the doctors office and double check some information)

8:00 a.m. – Start calling the doctors office to make sure that they take our insurance since I never received a confirmation and completely forgot until like 10 p.m. last night.

(I called every 10 minutes until 8:40 a.m. and they were supposed to turn their phones on at 8:00 a.m. according to the answering service with whom I left a message.)

8:40 a.m. – Finally get ahold of the doctor and confirm that we are good to go.

9:05 a.m. – Leave for the doctor.

10:00 a.m. – Check in for appointment.

10:15 a.m. – Older woman walks in and is just talking loud to receptionist.

10:20 a.m. – Older woman sits close to me and then proceeds to play on her cell phone a game with the volume turned ALL THE WAY UP for the next 10 minutes. THE LONGEST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE

I tried to deal with it. I didn’t want to have to freak out. I literally bit my tongue and it still hurts, just so I wouldn’t rage on her. I checked my heart rate and it jumped from 94 bpm to 136 for about a minute.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to run. I wanted to smack her in the face. Thank god there was an amazing woman in the room waiting for her appointment. Little did I know that she had a child that is dealing with something similar and she recognized it in me. She talked me down from the ledge. If she hadn’t been sitting there I seriously think I would have snapped at the old crow. I hope that she understands how much of a help she was while we were sitting there.

This is what I deal with on a regular basis. This is something that while a normal person would probably be annoyed, it caused me to go into a frantic state and sent my heart rate into a range that is not good. This is what people with Misophonia deal with every day. The fear that someone is going to do something to set them off. The guilt about wanting to “deal with” it so violently running through their head. The physical and emotional pain that courses through us when this happens.

The loneliness when you try to talk to someone about it after it happens and they look at you like you are nuts or they tell you that it’s all in your head and that you could control it if you wanted to.

Well yes, it’s all in my head. It’s a NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION you asshole!

Now here is my plea to anyone that is reading this and thinks that Misophonia is a made up disease. Please take the time to research it before you put someone who deals with it down or laugh at them. If you jokingly say… Oh yeah noises bother me too so I must have it. Please don’t do that. This is not something that you want to have. This is not something that is funny or a joke. If you truly do think you have it please go see an audiologist or neurologist so they can test you for it and diagnose you. Last but not least, if you tell me you “have it” and then when I ask you if you have looked into doctors to get a diagnosis and you say, NO, please understand when I look at you confused and ask why.

If you think you have this condition go seek help for it. Help spread awareness. Do what you can to make it known in the medical insurance field. Unless we speak out and press for it to be included in the ICD 9 and ICD 10 vocabulary we will never be able to afford treatment for it.

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