reflection

Skin Deep

Do you love yourself, as is? Do you wish you were more comfortable in your own skin?

I was raised to love myself, no matter what other people thought about me. Growing up the lesson was you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are unique. I heard the lesson and I lived the lesson. Until I met my ex-husband. When I met my ex, everything changed to “you are good enough”. All the years of my parents and grandparents getting my thinking right about my value and worth, it took so little time for the asshat I was married to (first marriage) to fuck that shit up royally.

I went from a confident and unique woman, to someone I didn’t recognize. I had become that person that fell in line to what her “man” wanted. I was disgusted with myself for a long time when I thought back to the power I let him have over me. The talking down, the smart ass under the breath remarks that were made. I had lost myself. I had lost my ambition and personality.

It took a minute for me to find it after we split. I was still finding “the old me” when I met my current husband. I can honestly say that if I hadn’t met him when I did, I don’t know where I would be. He saved me. He saved me from myself and from getting lost to “that girl”.

He showed me what it was to be truly loved, and loved for my true self. Not something I put out there so other people would like me, so I would fit in to other people’s expectations. He fell in love with the loud, the honry, the opinionated. He embraced it all and showed me that it was okay for me to do so as well.

After 15 years I am okay in my skin again. (It didn’t take that long to be honest, but it did take a while once we got together). It’s amazing what someone believing in you can do. Each day I bloom a little bit more, thanks to the constant watering and love.

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